Am I going to let this month go by without blogging? No, I shouldn’t. So hi. I have been meaning to blog for awhile now, but these days I find it extra difficult to arrange my thoughts. I do think a lot though, that much hasn’t changed. I don’t know if overthinking is just in my nature or I am purposely trying to think myself sick but I feel sad, scared, worried, and all these feelings really tire me out.
Final semester is approaching, and I can assure you that I am not ready. Honestly though, I am even more unprepared for life after masters. The easier route will be continuing studies, but there are other priorities now. As my parents’ eldest child, it is time for me to provide. I can see that my parents are tired now. It’s about time for me to ease the burden they carry on their shoulders. It’s time for me, to move to the next stage of adulthood. And that, scares the crap out of me. Will I be able to give back and support my family?
Also given the current job market, and the economy of the country, the future seems scarier than ever. And I have got 4 months left to face that reality. Will I ever be ready though? But ready or not, I believe that with time, things will fall into place. I know that we’ll make it through any hardship. In due time. When God wills it be. Because God is good. God is fair. It will all be okay in the end. I need to constantly remind myself of that.
I just need to stop worrying so much.
Wish me luck for my final semester!
Until next time.
Linkin Park – Heavy
Please listen to the song while reading, and do let me know how you feel about it.
This is such a good song. I know it doesn’t sound like the Linkin Park I grew up with, but this song still resonates with me, and it also has a really, really nice sound. Continue reading “I don’t like my mind right now”
Two years ago, on February 9th, 2015, a twenty one year old girl fell in love. At first sight, he seemed like everything she ever wanted. Tall, dorky looking, she felt none other than butterflies.
They went to study abroad together for a few months. So yeah, she first met him at the airport. Fate, eh?
But love, oh, it crushes. Without mercy. Continue reading “Hey, you’ll be fine, promise”
I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, I’m ashamed. Inside and out, I am filled with self loathing. Overweight. Selfish. Greedy. I hate my reflection because I don’t like what I see. I see and aspire to be more like people around me, but that’s all there is. I keep beating myself up on the inside, dreaming of a perfection that is so out of reach. Thinking of ways to begin to better myself. I’m a disappointment, to everyone around me and myself. How does one change? How does one even begin to change? Does it begin with self-acceptance? Self-love? And how does one fall in love with themselves?
I have to go. Talk again later maybe.
I am currently accompanied by the distant sounds of chatter and the loud crunch of keyboards, people typing away. It is usually cold here in the library, but not at this very moment. It is actually quite warm, uncomfortably warm. I have class in two and a half hours, and here I am, killing time, trying to make sense of people’s conversations and failing, watching random strangers passing me by. Questioning myself, is this chair too short for me or am I too tall for this chair?
Why am I here, typing when I have nothing to type about?
Oh yeah because I am bored that’s why.
I am in need of inspiration. Motivation. For everything.
Gotta go. Until next time.
If not us, who? If not now, when? – John F. Kennedy