I don’t like my mind right now

Linkin Park – Heavy

Please listen to the song while reading, and do let me know how you feel about it.

This is such a good song. I know it doesn’t sound like the Linkin Park I grew up with, but this song still resonates with me, and it also has a really, really nice sound. It soothes me somewhat. Last night I played this song on repeat while reading. That’s when you know it’s good music, when you can both read and listen to the song and not find it distracting or disturbing at all. Definitely my favourite song of the moment, this song makes me really happy.

Which is not how it’s supposed to feel given that it’s kinda a depressing song?

Cue Mike Shinoda: “IT’S NOT DEPRESSING IT’S UPLIFTING!”

So it is supposed to make me happy? Either way, I love love love this song and the way it makes me feel.

(Please send me a T-Shirt)

Anyway, my mind is not the best place to be in right now. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I paint, occasionally. I love photography, too. And writing. But these days I am demotivated to do anything. Like doing those things, giving effort to make and create things, is not worth it. When I see people getting better, I reflect on myself, and my “talent”, my “skills”, it’s going nowhere. Seeing people improving does not push me to do better at all. It makes me feel inferior.

Well, you know what they say. You are your own worst critic.

Negativity is winning. It is the same feeling as seeing someone pretty, I get so sad, I feel so small. Like a speck in the vastness of the universe, like I am nothing. Why do I do the things I love? It’s because I love them, right? So it doesn’t matter what other people think of it.

Right?

All I need is a small push in the right direction, a little motivation to get me going.

I don’t know what else to say, my mind is a mess right now.

Hope you are feeling much better than I am.

Until next time, hopefully with a more positive energy.

-F.

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