I am currently accompanied by the distant sounds of chatter and the loud crunch of keyboards, people typing away. It is usually cold here in the library, but not at this very moment. It is actually quite warm, uncomfortably warm. I have class in two and a half hours, and here I am, killing time, trying to make sense of people’s conversations and failing, watching random strangers passing me by. Questioning myself, is this chair too short for me or am I too tall for this chair?
Why am I here, typing when I have nothing to type about?
Oh yeah because I am bored that’s why.
I am in need of inspiration. Motivation. For everything.
Love is a feeling that is often associated with happiness. When there is love, there is happiness, or so they say. This is one of the main reasons people crave the feeling: Love. People want to love. They need love. Want to be loved. People love to love. Because they want to be happy. Appreciated. Cared about. Ideally, love is a positive feeling, bringing positive things. Ideally.
But does love really make one happy? If love equals happiness, then is it wrong to have a little too much love? I feel a bit pessimistic. Or very pessimistic. Because I feel love, a lot of love – and it hurts. You’re happy, you’re so thankful, but you’re also sad, afraid. Of losing that love. To have that love taken away from you. You get so afraid. And that fear turns into sadness, swallowing you whole.
I feel sad tonight. I feel homesick. Homesick for home. For my family. Maybe it’s the age that’s getting to me. Maybe it’s the realization that my parents are growing old. That one day, we wouldn’t live together under one roof. That things will change. I am not ready. Even just the idea of losing my family makes my eyes watery, makes my heart sink, and I, would fall into a deep, deep sadness. Love hurts. Yes, love makes you happy, it does. But with happiness, comes sadness.
These things come hand in hand. Love is really a powerful thing. A powerful feeling. Some people do the craziest things because of love. Some people, they do great things. Love inspires them, love brings out the best in them. Some. The rest – sometimes love brings out the worst. When they believe that they love too much and it kills them. Brings them to the edge. How people would kill, and say that they did it out of love. How some commit suicide because of a broken heart. Love really isn’t like what the media perceives it to be. It does not always have a happy ending.
Especially not here.
As for myself, family is everything. My love, is my family. And I hope this love will bring the best in me – I hope to give my all. I have to strive harder though, in order to see them again in Jannatul Firdaus. To reunite with them again, where we will be together forever, is my greatest wish.
How do you Love?
Until next time.
Today is my father’s birthday. I really wish I’m at home.
Went out with two of my sisters for lunch earlier today. We had Japanese – at Kaizen. Our younger sister (and brother – but he doesn’t eat Sushi anyway) couldn’t join us because they had school. As for myself, and one of my sisters, lectures start next Monday. I could agonize and drone on here about how worried I am about starting a new semester but I am choosing not to. Not for now at least. Anyway, the Salmon Crab salad at Kaizen was good. Really good, and I would order it again. Since I usually eat Japanese food at Excapade, as do most Bruneians, I don’t really know what to order when I’m at Kaizen. I’m glad I know at least one or two good dishes now. And I had a good time with my sisters – definitely.
So I had a good morning. In the afternoon, we went out again – to look for a birthday present for our dad. However, something happened. It wasn’t anything big really, but it was enough to turn my mood sour. A stranger scolded us, over something so minor, and this little incident really spoiled the happy mood we were previously in.
I am not the best person to be in this kind of situation. My initial reaction was total and utter shock, then I felt angry, upset, scared, and anxious. Anger can be controlled, anger can go away, but anxiety, I do not have an easy control over. In the store, my sisters and I hid ourselves from him, avoided him out of fear of getting scolded again. I was anxious the whole time I was there. It’s not like I did it on purpose. And nothing happened. I really wish he had enough patience at the time to not scold us.
I wonder if he regrets the things he had said to us. I wonder if he regrets acting the way he had acted. I don’t know, I just hope that it ends there. I hope that there aren’t any grudges.
We did buy my dad’s gift, but until the end, we were careful as to not bump into him again. And we didn’t, thankfully.
After gift shopping I asked my sister whether we can stop by Coffee Bean, because I needed something to lift my spirits up and be happy. My sister told me to not think about it so much. And yeah, I did have a good day. I am not going to let one man spoil my good day.
But I have to share it here. Because a lesson can be learned.
The lesson here is, to have patience, control your anger, and watch what you say and do. For you have no idea how your words and actions may affect other people. Like how his words affected me. I am very, very thankful that we just stayed quiet, and did not answer back to him and make it into an issue bigger than it actually was. I can imagine some people ending up in a fight in this kind of situation.
Silence really is the best answer, Alhamdulillah. Patience, patience.
And hey, this is my first blog post in 2017.
That’s it for now. I’ll go back to watching Supernatural. Or sleep.
Until next time.
Speak good or remain silent. – Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him)