Goodbye, 2016

30 Seconds to Mars – The Fantasy

In less than half an hour, it’ll be 2017. I just want to put up a quick post before New Years so this will be a short one.

2016 has been quite a ride. I finished my degree, graduated with a BSc in Mathematics, and am now doing my Masters in a completely different field. An emotional roller coaster, definitely.

As for 2017, I hope that I would be a better person. A better daughter, sister, student, and a better friend. I hope that I would blog more consistently, paint more, study a little bit harder, be kinder. Express myself creatively. I hope I will regret less. And be happier.

Ten minutes to a brand new year. To the sceptics who don’t believe in “new year, new me”, in new years resolutions, live a little. There’s no harm in wanting a fresh start. After all, every day is a chance to better ourselves.

Until next time.

Hello, 2017.

– F.

I swallow my pride, Now I’m crawling back to You

Daughtry – Crawling Back To You

I have had this tab on for hours. So I might as well write something. I have been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of self-reflection yesterday, so here we go.

It has been a long day. Mentally. Woke up to sad news, the loss of someone who is not close, but dear. I only heard of her passing from Instagram, which was honestly very hurtful, but that is not what this post it for. That is a story for another day, maybe.

I first knew her a little over a year ago. As quoted by someone, she was one of the best to walk this earth. And I agree wholeheartedly. She was truly one of the beautiful ones. Yesterday, my social media feed was full of posts dedicated to her – she truly did touch the hearts of many. Her kindness, her smile, her words, all of it was genuine. She was truly unlike any other.

She was extraordinary. And Allah simply took back what is His.

Her passing away has reminded me of what’s to come. Death and the life after. Pulled me back to my senses.

Our time will come, too.

I may no longer be who I was a year ago. But here’s to trying again. In my own pace this time. Staying true to myself this time. Crawling, this time.

Rest well, beautiful soul.

– F.

O soul, when will you realise you are only a number of days

 

Your skin and bones

Coldplay – Yellow

Writing used to be like breathing. Easy. Words form in my mind like pieces of a puzzle coming together. Seamlessly, smooth. Now that I am in my twenties, writing is nowhere near easy as it was years ago. Thoughts are unwritten, eventually forgotten. When written – words feel empty. Cliché as it sounds, it is not as easy as it used to be.

Perhaps it is because life happened. I grew up, and life is no longer just about me and studying and friends and getting good grades – and all I wrote back then was of life, or what I thought life was. Life was never easy to begin with,  but as we grow it gets harder. And reality hits us, like a slap in the face. Like a punch in the stomach. And we groan at the pain it inflicts upon us.

“What’s next?” questions endlessly provoking my peace of mind. Life’s pressures adding in onto my already high level of anxiety. And I – am yearning, craving for an escape.

To be free from life’s pressures.

And also maybe it is because I have grown to be a bit of a perfectionist. Like whatever I do is never enough. Whatever I write, whatever I make, is never good enough. I keep looking for flaws, trying to perfect them and not embracing them like I should.

Deleting them.

Excuses. I can write if I set my mind to it.

So let’s try this again. Long, deep breaths.

Hi.

Until next time.

F.